When it comes to beating myself up about something (or anything really), I’m a pro. Not that I’m a big believer in the whole Zodiac thing, but weirdly enough I’m a Capricorn through and through. I’m a workaholic, perfectionist, and determined… I’m also self critical, stubborn, and have a bad habit of expecting the worst. So as you can imagine, blogging is probably the best and the worst profession for me to be in.
My positive traits make me a gr8 business woman (tootin’ my own horn) and I really do get shit done when I put my mind to it. I feel like blogging gives me that creative outlet, the one that makes you feel A*, releasing loads of those feel-good endorphins which make me feel like my work means something, that it matters. Even if the only person it matters to is me. Let’s just say I’m hooked and going full time is the best career related decision I’ve made to date.
On the other hand, I have so much time on my hands that I feel like I’m beating myself up about everything. Tbh I thought it was bad enough when I would spot other bloggers doing things I could only dream of when I was heavily restricted due to university commitments. I couldn’t just flitter around London doing all the blogger-y stuff I dreamt of, I didn’t have a flashy camera, and I had 101 assignments that I really didn’t want to do, to do.
SHOP THE LOOK
Now that I’m blogging full time, I have a full 24 hours in the day to get Blogging Anxiety and beat myself up about everything I’m not doing.
*Checks IG stories* Oh look, a blogging event I wasn’t invited to – Work harder, Hol.
Thinking about ~ dreamy ~ shots I can’t get because I can’t afford the lens for it – Work harder, Hol.
Sigh, another blogging opp I don’t have enough followers for – Work harder, Hol.
I just want to be where they are in the blogging game – Work harder, Hol.
Don’t get me wrong, I am so so so happy when I see my faves up there slaying things left, right, and centre and I’m the first to be clapping when someone comes up in the industry. But I really need to learn that just because other gals are out there slaying the game, doesn’t mean that I’m not slaying either. It’s very easy to get caught up in the rat race that is the influencer industry, and to really analyse why *you* didn’t get x, y, z, opportunities and why a, b, c, bloggers did.
I’m over the moon when I see other gals out there doing them and getting unbelievable collabs, but I can’t help but let the ~ why isn’t that me ~ thought cross my mind. Women have been competitively comparing themselves since day dot and this needs to change. I need to change.
Why do I feel the need to bring myself down when other people are freakin’ killing it? If you read into it, I’m insecure. I’ve always felt very vulnerable in the industry, purely based on the fact that I’m the first person to pick apart my work and point out everything that can be improved upon. I’ve been thinking of things that have happened for me & my lil old blog in 2017, and it’s bloody hard. Ummm… genuinely, I feel like I’m blinded to my own successes because I’m too busy concentrating on what everyone else is doing.
I feel like I need to schedule a moment of mindfulness in my planner where I sit down and concentrate on me, a personal pep talk so to speak, and remind myself of all the amazing things that I’ve accomplished through this little thing called “blogging” and the quality opportunities that I’ve been given over the past two years. Sometimes I think we all feel like we can’t express pride in a good way, like it boasting or being too full-of-it, so I hope we can all find a way to celebrate ourselves when celebration is due.
Whether your accomplishment is as small as getting out of bed and taking a shower today, or reaching an important blogging milestone. If we each take a moment to celebrate something internally on the daily, maybe we’ll be a step closer to not only being cheerleaders for our peers, friends, and colleges, but cheerleaders for ourselves.
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*I was gifted some of the products in this post, however the opinions and views are my own*
*This is a collaborative post with Radley*